Resolved...

I’ve never been one, at least since my high school days, to put much stock in New Year’s resolutions and the like. Particularly, since coming to faith in my mid-20’s, my mindset has been that every day provides an opportunity to – and for the self-reflective, even demands that we – examine ourselves soberly, adjust our course as needed, and resolve anew. That being said however, over the past few years my grip on my own life has slipped…slowly at first, but in time the rope had slackened and what had once been tethered to the other end – my existence, normalcy, homeostasis – was only a faint image of what once was.
“Things fall apart,” but when they do, simultaneously, all the self-reflection, self-reliance we can muster become impotent resources in a battle too big to be fought on our own. And when the Lord seems to have abandoned hopes and plans for our life, it becomes easy to question whether to continue to fight for wholeness or resign to “character-building” defeat.

In my case, at some point I reached the point where resisting inertia seemed futile, and resignation to the latter option – defeat, or at the very least an admission of loss of control over the direction of my life – became seemingly the only option available to me. Only very recently has the storm seemed to subside, the clouds lifting and tide shifting. I’ve begun to believe that God does care about me, does want to redeem the pain that I’ve been through, does desire to see me whole in a way far greater than I could have imagined when this all began. In short, 2008 has concluded with the hope that I can have my life back.

My resolution for 2009 is simply this: to trust God recklessly yet/and pursue shalom, wholeness, what I know to be good and God’s best for my life. I want to get my life back.

Of course, such abstraction leaves plenty of room for interpretation, but in this case, the restoration of life above all equates to the restoration of my health. Having been unwell for a prolonged period wrought havoc on every facet of my life, and I feel that the starting point in piecing things back together has to be found in getting healthy again.

The rest is just details, and while the simplest resolutions require some sort of planning and agenda, for public consumption I’ll just lay out what my resolutions are:

Health

- Quit drinking alcohol and caffeine - Pray for me!

- Ride my bike consistently – Shoot for 4,000 miles this year

- Eat Healthy – go to the grocery store and cook for myself

Vocation/Calling – By the end of ’09…

- Devise plan for finishing divinity degree

- Find a job that better utilizes my skills, experience, education and passion

- Be intentional about praying about and discerning my calling, and steps along the way towards meeting it.

People/Relationships

- Be a more consistent communicator with friends and family

- Devote more time to friends, less to escapist intellectualism

- Find a consistent avenue to serve my community

As a final thought, in recent years I think I’ve believed or at least assumed that living a prophetic life – a life that reflects or embodies Jesus’ love for all creation – precludes, by and large, security and structure. In retrospect, however, I’ve found that choosing to live by the seat of my pants, without a strong understanding of telos, or some sort of objective/end in mind, has not worked for me. I’ve come to believe that I need the latter to be effective, to be happy, and experience wholeness. If the past few years as I have experienced and understood them are any indication of how God works, I trust that if God desires me to continue to live an impromptu existence, then my efforts to ‘regain’ control will be in vain.

“I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.”

Psalm 40:1-3a